I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
