My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
