we have officially lost it.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He has the fingertips of a God
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