i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
