so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
