Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
