The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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