dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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