What a fucking waste of an outfit
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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