I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's just like the Real World with babies
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
