He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
