You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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