There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
