I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
