any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize