i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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