you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
