Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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