tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
