omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Say something about gay babies.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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