shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
BRING THE BAGELS
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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