I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
