one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
