get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
