I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
