there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
