Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
