WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
