I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
