i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
