I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
