so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
