I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Randomize
