haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
