so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
