I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Randomize
