I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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