I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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