my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
