I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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