And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just gift wrapped bread.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
