ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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