hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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