Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
