i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
