I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
