one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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