Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You ruined the universe
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
