A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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