My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
