Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
