i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
