Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
