Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
