I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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