sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Got a toothbrush?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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