you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
