Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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