I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
