smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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