I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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