wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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