I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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