plz talk dirty to me
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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