YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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