Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
