I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
