So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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