I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
