dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
