Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We got so high we made milksteak
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
