I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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