Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
