In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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