omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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