just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
