Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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