Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
