so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
