whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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