I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
