You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
