she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
