your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
wow bdsm is so cute
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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