Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
